Ridiculous as it may sound, I haven't been to a wedding. Rather, I have no memory of the ones I attended when I was two years old. Imagine my joy when my dad told me that this summer we would be attending the wedding of a distant cousin. Like almost any other young girl, I have had expectations and dreams of a wedding and an Iyer wedding at that is something rather interesting with its multitudes of chants, prayers and symbolism.
I reached India the night before the wedding itself and was informed by my cousin brothers that I had missed the more 'fun' part of the wedding- the Cocktail party and the mehendi (a ceremony where the bride's hands are designed with henna and people throw a party), but I was getting to watch the major part of the ceremony and it was all that mattered.Thus began one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life- the first wedding I could watch and remember.
Now, a typical Iyer wedding begins in the morning at 7 am, meaning I had to wake up before that to get dressed and leave for the wedding hall. Turns out the wedding was meant to be as grand as can be and held at the largest hall in the Bangalore Palace grounds and the path to the hall was decorated with so many lights that it would've probably lit up my entire neighborhood! But I diverge....The 2-3 day long affair begins with the groom and bride's families individually praying to their respective ancestors to descend from the heavens (in the form of priests) and bless the couple, followed by a 'fertility' ceremony on the bride's side where every married woman pots a bit of sprouts into a mud pot which eventually grows out and is washed away after the marriage ceremonies are complete symbolizing the woman's long lasting fertility.
The next step of the process is the Mapillai azhapu or The Procession where the groom is taken around in a horse drawn carriage with great pomp. But these days the bride gets her share (yay feminism) and gets to join the groom halfway to the wedding area. This time though, the bride didn't want a horse drawn carriage... instead she made her man ride a brand new bike and take her down the aisle with her on it. I liked her more because of that. Now unlike Western weddings, the Iyer engagement ceremony doesn't come months before the wedding, instead it comes only a day before where all the guests sit down and approve of the wedding (if anyone has anything to say, say it now or forever hold your peace). Once the declarations are made, the couple is 'officially' engaged in the eyes of God.
Since all the stuff happens in the morning, most people have nothing to do till later in the evening (for the reception) so we spent the break to get back home and get some rest (waking up at 7am and watching a couple in front of a fire can be ridiculously tiring). The reception was just as grand as the wedding. Everybody was dressed to the nines in their finest clothes and jewelry and there were way too many choices of food. I spent most of the evening watching the groom and bride smile repeatedly for the camera with different groups of people and wonder how is it possible that their faces don't hurt from all that smiling (turns out the bride's face was hurting by the end of it).
The next morning was when the real action happened. There are many ceremonies so let me break this down.
1. Kashi yatra: This part of the Iyer wedding is probably repeated purely for the dramatic value it adds to the wedding (like it needs more drama!). The groom decides to take up sanyaas(become a sage) and not marry the girl, but is eventually convinced to marry by the bride's father who gives him symbols of marriage. The groom at the wedding decided to add his own twist to it, he decided to wear sunglasses as a representation of a 'modern' yatra.
2. Maalai Maaatal (Garland Exchange): The Kashi Yatra is then followed by some jovial exchange of garlands where the groom's lifted up by his family and the girl is lifted up by hers and they try to throw the garlands around each others' necks. In this wedding, the bride nearly fell off her high pedestal when her uncles nearly dropped her. Apparently funnier things happen!
3. Oonjal (The Swing): The bride and groom sit on a swing and married women come up to them and apply milk on their feet and feed them a mixture of milk and bananas in the midst of singing by the womenfolk. The point of this is to ward off the 'evil eye' which would otherwise fall on the couple. The experience was so interesting and I tried joining in the singing but to no avail considering I knew nearly none of the songs :P What I found amusing was that the men just stood and watched as the women did all the hard work.
4. Vara Pooja (Vedic initiation ceremony): This marks the beginning of a long period of chanting where the groom is supposed to get permission from the Brahmins to get married and God to allow him to complete the rituals without any hindrance. The girl and boys' gothrams (lineage) is announced to the crowds and the crowd is supposed to listen and point out if anything is wrong. Of course these days nobody really does listen to these but I was fascinated by the ritual and tried my best to pay close attention to what was being said, only I am not versed in sanskrit and most of what was being said went over my head, although I got the gist of it from my athai sitting next to me.
5. Kanya Dhaanam (Giving away the Bride): Probably the most emotional part of the marriage ceremony, the Kanya Dhaanam is sure to bring a few tears to the eyes of everyone who is related to the girl's side of the family. The girl is seated on the fathers' lap holding betel leaves with her palms placed atop her father's and as the mantras are chanted, the contents of the girls' hand is transferred to the boys' hand symbolizing the transfer of responsibility to the husband.
According to my grandmother, the loose translation of the mantras chanted by the father to the groom is I am giving to you as a gift, my ever playful gold like daughter who came to my house to give redemption to my ancestors and who would make me reach the heavens in future. I am giving her to you so that you can beget children through her and do all your prescribed religious duties.
To which the groom replies:-
I accept her by the grace of Sun who made this world with my hands protected by the Aswini Devas with he permission of the Sun God.
Well, I see why everyone gets so emotional considering their girl now belongs to another family and her gothram changes as well during the ceremony. This is also the ceremony when the thaali (thread symbolizing the marriage) is tied around the bride's neck signifying her married status.
6. Madhu Prakam: During this part of the ceremony, the bride's father thanks the groom for marrying his daughter and the groom looks at his bride and chants slokas to invite her to be a part of his family (isn't this a bit late?) and prays that nothing bad falls upon her and she brings happiness to his house. They sit together in front of the fire for the first time as husband and wife and perform their first prayers together.
Once all these ceremonies are completed, most people just walk away to feast the success of the marriage, but the families of the bride and groom stay back to complete a few more ceremonies with a thanks to the Gods and all the guests who came to the marriage. However, there is just one more part of the ceremony that is mostly just for close friends and family known as the Nalangu where the groom and bride get to play games with each other including rolling coconuts and breaking applams over each others' heads. The ceremony used to exist in order to break the ice between the (then) much older groom and his younger wife but people still continue the tradition because whatever you say, rolling coconuts is sort of fun.
At the end of it all, the girl journeys to the groom's home and they live happily ever after.... (or so we all hope).
I reached India the night before the wedding itself and was informed by my cousin brothers that I had missed the more 'fun' part of the wedding- the Cocktail party and the mehendi (a ceremony where the bride's hands are designed with henna and people throw a party), but I was getting to watch the major part of the ceremony and it was all that mattered.Thus began one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life- the first wedding I could watch and remember.
Now, a typical Iyer wedding begins in the morning at 7 am, meaning I had to wake up before that to get dressed and leave for the wedding hall. Turns out the wedding was meant to be as grand as can be and held at the largest hall in the Bangalore Palace grounds and the path to the hall was decorated with so many lights that it would've probably lit up my entire neighborhood! But I diverge....The 2-3 day long affair begins with the groom and bride's families individually praying to their respective ancestors to descend from the heavens (in the form of priests) and bless the couple, followed by a 'fertility' ceremony on the bride's side where every married woman pots a bit of sprouts into a mud pot which eventually grows out and is washed away after the marriage ceremonies are complete symbolizing the woman's long lasting fertility.
The next step of the process is the Mapillai azhapu or The Procession where the groom is taken around in a horse drawn carriage with great pomp. But these days the bride gets her share (yay feminism) and gets to join the groom halfway to the wedding area. This time though, the bride didn't want a horse drawn carriage... instead she made her man ride a brand new bike and take her down the aisle with her on it. I liked her more because of that. Now unlike Western weddings, the Iyer engagement ceremony doesn't come months before the wedding, instead it comes only a day before where all the guests sit down and approve of the wedding (if anyone has anything to say, say it now or forever hold your peace). Once the declarations are made, the couple is 'officially' engaged in the eyes of God.
Since all the stuff happens in the morning, most people have nothing to do till later in the evening (for the reception) so we spent the break to get back home and get some rest (waking up at 7am and watching a couple in front of a fire can be ridiculously tiring). The reception was just as grand as the wedding. Everybody was dressed to the nines in their finest clothes and jewelry and there were way too many choices of food. I spent most of the evening watching the groom and bride smile repeatedly for the camera with different groups of people and wonder how is it possible that their faces don't hurt from all that smiling (turns out the bride's face was hurting by the end of it).
The next morning was when the real action happened. There are many ceremonies so let me break this down.
2. Maalai Maaatal (Garland Exchange): The Kashi Yatra is then followed by some jovial exchange of garlands where the groom's lifted up by his family and the girl is lifted up by hers and they try to throw the garlands around each others' necks. In this wedding, the bride nearly fell off her high pedestal when her uncles nearly dropped her. Apparently funnier things happen!
3. Oonjal (The Swing): The bride and groom sit on a swing and married women come up to them and apply milk on their feet and feed them a mixture of milk and bananas in the midst of singing by the womenfolk. The point of this is to ward off the 'evil eye' which would otherwise fall on the couple. The experience was so interesting and I tried joining in the singing but to no avail considering I knew nearly none of the songs :P What I found amusing was that the men just stood and watched as the women did all the hard work.4. Vara Pooja (Vedic initiation ceremony): This marks the beginning of a long period of chanting where the groom is supposed to get permission from the Brahmins to get married and God to allow him to complete the rituals without any hindrance. The girl and boys' gothrams (lineage) is announced to the crowds and the crowd is supposed to listen and point out if anything is wrong. Of course these days nobody really does listen to these but I was fascinated by the ritual and tried my best to pay close attention to what was being said, only I am not versed in sanskrit and most of what was being said went over my head, although I got the gist of it from my athai sitting next to me.
According to my grandmother, the loose translation of the mantras chanted by the father to the groom is I am giving to you as a gift, my ever playful gold like daughter who came to my house to give redemption to my ancestors and who would make me reach the heavens in future. I am giving her to you so that you can beget children through her and do all your prescribed religious duties.
To which the groom replies:-
I accept her by the grace of Sun who made this world with my hands protected by the Aswini Devas with he permission of the Sun God.
Well, I see why everyone gets so emotional considering their girl now belongs to another family and her gothram changes as well during the ceremony. This is also the ceremony when the thaali (thread symbolizing the marriage) is tied around the bride's neck signifying her married status.
6. Madhu Prakam: During this part of the ceremony, the bride's father thanks the groom for marrying his daughter and the groom looks at his bride and chants slokas to invite her to be a part of his family (isn't this a bit late?) and prays that nothing bad falls upon her and she brings happiness to his house. They sit together in front of the fire for the first time as husband and wife and perform their first prayers together.
Once all these ceremonies are completed, most people just walk away to feast the success of the marriage, but the families of the bride and groom stay back to complete a few more ceremonies with a thanks to the Gods and all the guests who came to the marriage. However, there is just one more part of the ceremony that is mostly just for close friends and family known as the Nalangu where the groom and bride get to play games with each other including rolling coconuts and breaking applams over each others' heads. The ceremony used to exist in order to break the ice between the (then) much older groom and his younger wife but people still continue the tradition because whatever you say, rolling coconuts is sort of fun.
At the end of it all, the girl journeys to the groom's home and they live happily ever after.... (or so we all hope).
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