Me, My Spot and I

Change is the only constant. When I came to Singapore five few years back, I came as a person who’d returned after years of visiting the country on holidays which ranged from a few weeks to a few months. But this time, it wasn’t as a tourist, but as a student who had to spend four years of her life in this island. My initial thoughts as a 17 year old were that I would tire of visiting the same places repeatedly, but what has turned out to be a half a decade stay in Singapore (and hopefully more) has completely disproved that (take that 17 year old self)!

There was a place I used to go to each time I felt depressed or lonely, one that I frequented very often during my initial years of college- a quiet little corner on the deck at Vivo City. I absolutely loved it for two main reasons; the first, it was a place to get away from the buzz of daily life even though it was a crowded place which attracted lots of tourists who want to get a view of Sentosa Island. Secondly, it had an amazing breeze brushing past it 24x7. Even on the hottest days (Singapore gets ridiculously hot) you could sit under that shade and feel a cool breeze blowing past your hair which made even the worst days feel so much better.

I would take a bus from NUS to Vivo City and just run up to the top floor and sit down at my spot (which surprisingly was almost always empty, although I never understood why) and stare at what I thought was the horizon. Looking around, I’d see children playing in the tiny pools, getting their feet and clothes wet and shrieking with joy. I would see concerned parents worrying about their child catching a cold or just scolding their child for getting in the water in the first place, I’d see young couples sitting by the steps and indulging in the cutest forms of courtship- be it giving out a rose or having a full blown make out session. I’d often wonder why nobody wanted to sit at my spot which seemed so perfect. On hindsight it was probably because I was already sitting there. I would take my lecture notes from my tedious Engineering classes and distractedly gaze out at the ships and yachts docked and suddenly a difficult concept would start making sense. I have sat there and cried when I felt I had no friends to turn to, I sat there arguing with my parents and brother about the most irrelevant things and I’ve just sat there with music blaring in my ears paying heed to nothing around me.  That spot was my little piece of heaven

But life eventually caught up with me and I made new friends, got involved in crazy musicals and performances and my spot on the deck of Vivo City got lost in the recesses of my mind. I would now visit Vivo City for a movie with nouveau friends or for a dinner party one of my more atas friends would throw. I hardly ever went there alone considering it was now further away from my place of residence. As graduation inched closer, my worries and fears would all be shared with my friends who kept telling me that my worries were baseless and I started to forget what it was like to be alone and just having time to reflect upon things.

A week before graduation, I had plans to meet a friend at Vivo City for lunch and unsurprisingly he was late. I had a few minutes to myself at Vivo City and sub-consciously found myself taking the escalator to the deck. Emotions rushed through me as I walked towards my spot, I felt joy in imagining the moments I had spent there by myself, I felt sorrow and regret for not having been there in over two years and I felt a pang of loneliness which pulled at me unexpectedly. Nobody was there and in my mind I wondered how anyone could ignore a corner as empty as this especially someone to whom it meant so much (hint hint- me) .

As I sat there I thought of how much I had changed over the years, I was no longer the young and immature girl who’d sat here throwing tantrums at her parents over the phone and crying over the fact that she had no friends to turn to; instead I was someone who was thinking about what the future held and how I could possibly take hold of the opportunities that came my way. It took me by surprise to realize that I missed that girl but I appreciated the woman I’d become. My spot had helped me realize that I was ready to take on the challenges of the real world and that my fears and worries weren’t baseless but I had the courage to face them. Interrupted by the buzzing of my phone, I reluctantly left to meet my friend.

I returned a few weeks after my graduation to find that there was a No Entry sign put up on the route to my spot, they were constructing a new restaurant which had free Wi-Fi and a Kid Friendly Menu. It broke my heart a little but it also helped me realize that the spot had just been a catalyst for what I had within me. All I needed for self-reflection was me, my thoughts and well a mindset. Maybe one day I’ll find myself a new spot, but that corner on the deck of Vivo City will always hold a special place in the corner of my heart. After all, change is the only constant.